Friday, April 13, 2007

if I cry will it go away?

Today at work I had to run to the washroom several times in order to calm myself down and not cry.....Why? My friend and co-worker gave her resignation today that is two weeks notice before she leaves on April 27th. I'm completely sad and disappointed in this place I call work....

I tried so hard not to cry but my eyes were full of tears and me hiding my face from others because I didn't feel like talking or getting attention. I wrote a long message to my other friend. In some way I felt he can help me feel better for a bit. Not until I came home that I received his reply...and no he didn't make me feel better.

To be honest I will miss seeing my friend/co-worker every day...and the reason for her quitting is because it became difficult to come to work every day only to have people giving you an attitude all the time, saying how your performance is not good, how one client is not happy, so what they do? They punish you in some way. Instead to help their employees and motivate them they make you feel even more miserable. No rules, no policy, everyone bossing you around, blaming each other, team work is only on paper because no one in this company knows how to work in a team...My friend got fed up and she ended it today...

Me....I'll still be there for few months and quit eventually too. I can't imagine being there for one more year feeling literally sick for having to wake up every morning and go into that office...I lost my motivation in that place. I will miss having my friend there...across my table...having long talks on our break...nothing is there to keep me sane anymore....Eventually I will walk out too...

But today I'm sad and it hurts....and shit I cried a lot...and I still want to cry....It's just that I don't like saying good bye to people. I'm sure I'll see my friend outside of work but not as often and not as much as we used to....

Time to move on...with tears in my eyes and feeling a bit lost...a bit lonely...

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